Happy Leap Second !
spend it wisely.

I am living and working in Massachusuetts for a company based out of San Fransisco....if I get any bluer you will be able to make a pie out of me.

I have an icicle hanging off the
back of my apartment that is nearly 7 feet long.
I have named it Glamdring.

I overhead this on the
Interweb and just like
to repeat it over and over.

"Like a cotton candy Cadillac,
driven by Abe Lincoln,
who has a beard of diamonds."

Slight paraphrase of a Kurt Vonnegut book quote:

"Hello Elska. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, Elska, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, Elska—God damn it, you've got to be kind."

Hi, Apple Store?

Can I get an app to run
on my Iphone that will
prevent people warning
me about carbon monoxide?

I can!

Thank you Steve Jobs.

"One sec while I put on some pants."

"Good idea!"

small thrill -
using the micro soft outlook
out of office assistant
before going on
vacation.

Glory in my
fallibility!

Is the use of the term
whippersnapper
within my bailiwick now?

Like a spray of machine gun fire
a line of brown and granular
bird shit across my
lower left windshield.
A lone masticated berry
nut resting on the hood.

Incoming email said
"Oh man. It works so well!"

I emailed back
"What the heck....more details."

Response was
"I combined you with a gorilla!"

I have two plants
on the window sill
next to my desk at
work.
What difference does it
make if I water
them now or 15 minutes from now?
You can see where I
am going with this.
2 weeks later the plants
are practically dead.

thankful to forgiveness,
both ends,
me and others.

I heard of a guy,
not me of course,
that got his November
car inspection on December 1st,
buying an extra month
before the next.
Take that Amerika !
or so I think he
thought.

50 minutes later comes
word,
"Still Alive"

Incoming IM's start with "wish had turkey
leftovers for sandwiches"
then turn ugly.
Announcing layoffs,
6 so far,
need to go to a staff meeting.

Honeymooners take time out for a post card.

A stroll behind my
apartment at night
brought me face to face
with the butt end of a
skunk gun making me
bolt back inside,
sniffing gratefully.

Man on a bike says to me
"We have had a bear here,
getting a stick might be a
good idea." and he rhymed
"here" and "idea".

When someone asks you
to dance, dance damn it.

Having jumper cables in
my car and being able to
help someone makes me
feel über useful.

If I had a girl smiling at
me like that I would be
doing everything to date
her.

Lake Sebago Maine

RickWood82 (9:37:03 AM): so how's that windshield workin out for ya?

richardwood401 (9:38:08 AM): looks good sitting in the driveway

RickWood82 (9:38:18 AM): hehe

RickWood82 (9:38:31 AM): was it nice driving home with it though?

richardwood401 (9:38:59 AM): it was

richardwood401 (9:52:30 AM): although I miss the little rainbow diffraction I got when the sunlight hit the crack at just the right angle.

richardwood401 (10:01:50 AM): I always felt it left a little pot of gold in the corner of my eye.

richardwood401 (10:02:35 AM): and the next time I cried my tears would clink like little gold coins.

richardwood401 (10:08:24 AM): and if they came up heads it would mean that jeebus would take over the UN and rule the earth for 1000 years.

richardwood401 (10:13:15 AM): and the blood from his open wounds would seal all windsheilds cracked in his kingdom on earth.

RickWood82 (10:26:17 AM): wowzas... i step away for a few minutes and you just fly off on a tangent!

Recent car repairs/maintenance
at 147,000 miles.

Tires rotated and balanced.
Front end aligned.
Front brake calipers and rotors replaced.
Oil and filter changed.
Cleaned bicycle grease off back seat.
Windshield replaced.

See-ment has moved on
maybe
to a new ministry on
another
bike path.

Passed by a bike where
the rider had a shirt with
a picture of the
3 stooges on back.
The caption was obscured
by the raccoon tail
hanging from their helmet.

I understand the concept
of advertising on the
rear end of woman's clothing
however I am confused
about what I am to do
with the word
"PINK".

A motorcyclist with a
bright orange shirt with
the words
"CAN YOU
SEE ME
NOW
ASSHOLE"
makes a lot of sense
given what has gone on
at Excelergy recently.

Monday, August 25th, 2008 -
Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

Woke from a dream
disturbing enough for
me to take to my grave.

One of my pet fish
(this was not the dream),
named Stupid,
(Sorry Stupid for that)
was dead, leaving Stripey
swimming alone.

See-ment Mary
(not dream either)
sporting angry
graffiti - Abstinence makes
the church grow fondler -
Neatly branded in
black.

Its time someone simplified the
English language.
Here are two initial proposals.
1) All letters only make one sound.
2) The sound the letter makes is the sound of its name.

I have to say I was surprised.
Had expected vandalism or
disappearance however
was not expecting
the small hand made wooden
cross that someone
hung around See-ment Mary's
neck on multicolored
thread.

See-ment Mary is on the move.
She has relocated herself about 100
feet south east next to Elm brook.
Coincidentally, or not, the
"bicyclist must yield to pedestrian"
sign has been removed.
Does this match
any Nostradamus prophesies?

A 3 foot tall cement statue of
the Virgin Mary has been placed
on the Minuteman Bike Path in
Bedford. She is standing on a
cement snake which has a
cement round object,
presumably an apple, in its
mouth. Did some kids steal it
from someones yard and got sick
of lugging it around? Did someone
have a prayer answered and
put the statue there in thanks?
Did it fall out of a cargo hold of
a plane landing at nearby Hanscom
Airforce Base?

1) Does Superman have super peripheral vision?
2) If so can he see what's behind him?

The death of Jeff,
who had been unknown to me,
caused my phone to ring,
an email received and
the phrase "Death is the
true democracy, everyone
has to do it and everyone
can only do it once" to be
recalled.

"We are passing you on
your left and
one of us might lick your knee"
-Woman and her dog passing me
on the bike path.

LHC

For unadulterated nerdy silliness:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM

After the rain
Elm,
Kiln and
Shawsheen nice and full.
cicadas in full chorus.
lone bull frog croaking
green, green, green.
mr. rogers koan guided me
"sometimes it is fun to do
things slow"

A women and a man approach
me on bikes, the woman in
front. Each wear those little rear
view mirrors on their helmets
that remind me of little
teleprompters.
The woman says hi,
I say hi,
The man gives a toot
with his nether eye.

Typical family vacation rule:
"Don't run by the pool"
Wicked cool family vacation rule:
"Watch out for dead animals in the stream, they
attract boa constrictors"

Typical phone call conversation:
"Getting much rain there"
Not so typical phone call conversation:
"Damn it, you snaked that gift idea
out from under me"

Typical picnic lunch conversation in the park:
"How is work going"
Not an everyday picnic conversation in the park:
"How far back in time will the dead come back
to life as zombies?" "As long as there is enough
musculature to support movement, ie:
NO zombie skeletons"

Outside my window
at Lexington Corporate Center
Building One
it is a worm gold mine
for the robins.

Job security

Orange day lilies
stretch towards the sun
and I brush by the leathery
petals with my
arms and legs
enabling me to
put pollinator on
my resume.

In retrospect

While it didn't,
in and of itself,
doom my marriage,
starting it by
taking a vow invoking
ritualistic
cannibalism tempted
the fates.

Roads and Streets

Springs
Hillside
The Great
Loomis
Wiggins
Westview
Maquire

What did you do this morning?

Using my right foot I squirted
a flammable liquid into tubes
which then ignited under pressure.
Using my left foot and right hand
I controlled this transfer of momentum
through a series of gears and fluids
to wheels under me.
Using my left hand I changed the
angle of those wheels to adjust my trajectory.

Me?

I walked.

If we can't stop zombies with
a head shot we are screwed.

No bike path for slugs.

Between Presta valved bikes,
roller bladed hotties,
and
rapidly drying asphalt
there is no bike path
for slugs.

Father's Day 2008

God asked
"What do you know?"
I answered
"I know these two boys"

Rainy day on the bike path

1 Dog
2 Bikes
3 People

We have launched a toilet into space
and now we send people up to fix it.

Hope it was a union job.

The darkness engulfed
with the sound like chewing
tin foil.
Spit out onto the bike path
like a dead mouse
among dogs who forgot
they can not fly.

M. - She abused her car by running out of gas 27 times.

R. - but she never took a blow torch to her ball joints.

No it's not ironic.

Everything has happened,
including that not having happened
before.

MasterCard

0$ - Cancel your car insurance

0$ - hit a bicyclist

Priceless ! - act indignant

Jayne,
Thank you for working
with me and sharing a
little of our lives.

Around 6:30pm phone call
from 401 area code
with unrecognized number.
Let go to voice mail but no
message left.

Go to the grocery store
for coffee and impulse a
bag of chips. Woman behind
me in checkout line comments
she wish she could get chips.

Seinfeld - Jerry and Elaine make
rules for having sex so they can stay friends.

As Time Goes By - Lionel and Jean grow
closer together and kiss.

Globe Trekker - one of my
favorite travelers Megan McCormick
goes to Scotland.

Make some Mac and Cheese.

All the while he was thrown from
his bike by a car (green in my mind)
and taken to the hospital.

Andrea helps him.

Thank the gods just stitches over eyebrow
and a sore arm.

Sit back and relax,
everything has happened.

To the dog on the bikepath.

The one whose walker wouldn't
let you stop and give that clump of
grass a good long sniff.
You looked back at me when
you passed. Did you smell
something, 2-methylphenol
perhaps,
or my destiny.

In the hermetically scrubbed and
conditioned air where the light
is buzzing fluorescent
the dog shit on my shoe has the
temerity to stink.

If nothing else he left his share of night soil.

Sit back, relax and smile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCld99SNg1o

Good
ice cream sandwich

Better
ice cream sandwich sandwich
(ice cream sandwich between
two ice cream sandwiches)

Best
( _fill in the blank_)

They went to Martha's Vineyard

Drive to Woods Hole for 9 am,
where its
7 dollars per person to the island.
One day bus pass on the island
for 6 dollars
unlimited usage and come back around
4.

Bite me,
frak me,
just never let me
be phony.

Any universe that has
room in it
for a wild turkey in
the courtyard of
Lexington Corporate Center
is all
right by me.

Update 2:30 pm,
2 Men in white shirts came into
the courtyard and herded
the turkey away.

Plan B, C, D, E and F
are the same as Plan A,
get off this fraking planet.

Hey you, nice legs !

Heh, nice parking !

JOHN STEINBECK recounted in a 1953 article for Harper’s Bazaar what it was like to travel with a hired Italian driver in a Fiat 500 on the Amalfi Coast road:

“Flaming like a meteor we hit the coast, a road high, high above the blue sea that hooked and corkscrewed on the edge of nothing, a road carefully designed to be a little narrower than two cars side by side. And on this road, the buses, the trucks, the motor scooters and the assorted livestock.

“We didn’t see much of the road. In the back seat my wife and I lay clutched in each other’s arms, weeping hysterically.”

This is all right.

I believe there is no free will.
I believe there is no god.
I believe in hedonism:
http://hedonist-international.org/?q=en/manifest
I believe I look really funny only wearing socks.

MaverickZ31 (10:13:31 AM): thought this was funny: http://www.maniacworld.com/i-guess-you-will-do.html

richardwood401 (10:18:44 AM): that was brilliant

MaverickZ31 (10:19:11 AM): sounded like something Samantha Bee would do

richardwood401 (10:25:56 AM): it reminded me of the "bar" rob was going to build in his basement and which now stores his bowflex machine !

MaverickZ31 (10:26:10 AM): hehehe

MaverickZ31 (10:26:30 AM): and of the 3 bedroom ranch michelle and i almost bought with the semi-finished basement rec room & bar...

MaverickZ31 (10:26:32 AM): :lol:

richardwood401 (10:27:45 AM): we are just some meat in a bag of salty water marching around to the tune of our DNA.

Red tail hawk
this morning
perusing the
bike path menu
harried
by 2 small birds
giving it all
they are worth.

The bright morning sun was out and the air was sharp and clear.
I was lucky to see two of these turkey vultures.
They were perched on a chimney of a house.
In unison they turned their heads.
Weighing me as carrion.

He ain't got no distractions
Can't hear those buzzers and bells
Don't see lights a flashin'
Plays by sense of smell
Always gets a replay
Never tilts at all
That deaf, dumb and blind Than
Sure plays a mean pinball

Survival guide after reading Peoples History of the United Sates.

1) Stock pantry with favorite foods.
2) Lock doors.
3) Close all shades/curtains/blinds.
4) Drink plenty of water.
5) Get plenty of sleep.
6) Hug and play with your family.
7) Only go back outside when the sun is out.

And what did you do today?

I put a dimple in the fabric of space-time !

In the parking lot across the street from Lexington Corporate Center.

The man opened the hatchback of his car and
the golden retriever, generously silvered,
stood waiting patiently.

The man bent down, reached around the chest
of the dog and lifted the dog's front legs into
the car.

The man then wrapped his arms around the back
end of the dog and gently lifted into the car.
All was done with practiced grace.

maverickz31 (9:39:42 AM): Happy "holy crap" Monday

maverickz31 (9:40:26 AM): the origin of the phrase "holy crap" comes from what Jesus did after being dead for 3 days.

Lesson in sound.

I thought I knew the call of a blue jay.
Sort of a raucous challenging sound.
This morning I was stopped by a sound
that was a cross between a British police siren
heard through a flugelhorn.
I stopped and looked into a bush
and low and behold it was a
blue jay.
Thanks blue jay for bringing your "A" game.

My super powers.

super sight - to see whats really going on.
super hearing - to listen.
super smell - to know the truth.
super taste - to enjoy being of this world.
super touch - to be connected.

Kiss me I am jeebus !

When St. Patrick's Day is on a Friday, certain bishops grant a release from the traditional Lent Friday no-meat observance. This release is called the "corned-beef indult."

Experiment to see who loves you more.

1) Lock wife and dog in the trunk of your car.
2) Drive around for an hour.
3) Open trunk and note who is happy to see you.

School across from 101 America Avenue, Providence RI.

Along the bike path this morning in Bedford
there were hundreds of starlings
in the trees making a cacophony of noise like
school children at recess,
on a nice sunny day.

T. S. Eliot said:

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

toothpastefordinner.com

The chance of being hit by any one raindrop is infinitesimal and yet if I go out in the rain I get wet.

Corn.

Food and entertainment. That's right.

In the building complex where I work (Lexington Corporate Center or LCC for short) there is only one garage door and over it is a square white sign with the number "13" in black. Funny thing is there is no driveway leading to that garage door. The few times I have seen a nondescript white pickup drive to that door it had to ride over the grass and down a sidewalk. Any information would be appreciated.

1) "Everything I know about chickens I have learned from cartoons." - Mike
2) My life is more like "Green Acres" than I realized.
3) Some day soon people will forget what a "Dial Tone" was.

American
Standard
3.8 Lpf/ 1.0 Gpf

30 degrees and bright sunshine can only mean one thing.

car napping time !

Crazy earthlings.

Every fourth year they have to work an extra day, because they believe, if they don't their god "jeebus" will punish them eventually by making it snow in july and their tomatoes ripen in december.

Happy Birthday John.

John Steinbeck said, "A book is like a man — clever and dull, brave and cowardly, beautiful and ugly. For every flowering thought there will be a page like a wet and mangy mongrel, and for every looping flight a tap on the wing and a reminder that wax cannot hold the feathers firm too near the sun."

On company time.
ChaChing !

A song on the 1963 bus trip from the NY worlds fair with Ursala, my grandmother.

"Ham bone, Ham bone where you been?"
"All around town and back again"
"What you going to do when you get back?"
"Going to take a walk by the railroad tracks"

Last one at work on a snowy day.

I am king of Excelergy !

A Prairie Home Companion from American Public Media

prairiehome.publicradio.org

February 22, 2008

2/22/08

Post to the Host:
I just heard your latest show and you mentioned that Bisquick is now a sponsor. How do the folks at Powdermilk Biscuits feel about this? Are they pulling their sponsorship from the first part of the program? And, most importantly, which product do you think makes the best biscuits? Maybe a taste test is in order at the local Fire Department Pancake Breakfast.

Liz P.
Chatham NJ

I don't give a rip how the Powdermilk people feel about it. They are relatives of mine, on the Powell side, and their product, frankly, is behind the times — Bisquick is Heart Smart, no cholesterol, zero grams trans fats — and nobody has the faintest idea what's in Powdermilk. That branch of the family made a nice peanut brittle at one time but their flour products are nothing to write home about. Pull their sponsorship? I wish they would. They haven't paid us a sou in years. We carry them out of sympathy and because I have elderly relatives who would be hurt to see them go. Myself, I'd be tickled pink. Powdermilk makes a decent biscuit if you like your biscuits heavy, but don't use them to make pancakes. One stack and you'll be immobile for the rest of the morning.

Snowy day forecast

richardwood401 (2:12:00 PM): I just watched a weather forecast video and the weatherman said we might want to re-think our dinner plans. DONE - instead of mac and cheese I am going to make bean and rice burritos.

MaverickZ31 (2:15:33 PM): crisis averted!

Ape quandary.

Bonobo:

Teenager to shock his mom "Sex is just natures way to say hello".

Chimpanzee:

That bastard is tailgating me. I am going to get behind him and flash my high beams and give him the finger.

At work we have gone from blue to pink urinal cakes and I have to say I like it. Very festive !

Total lunar eclipse tonight. WOOT WOOT.

I am very health conscious. I only use iodized salt.

Ansel Adams said, "A good photograph is knowing where to stand."

What stops an ape.

After dusk, before dark, a flock of ducks circling a small field/marsh looking to land. Low enough that I can hear their wings beating and a small guttural noise they are making in their throats.

A small two engine passenger jet coming in for a landing at Hanscom airfield. Low enough you can see the landing gear is down and the gentle rocking of the wings in the cross wind.

nice things

• feckin' first sip of coffee in the morning
• feckin' good book after reading a bad book
• feckin' hot shower on a cold morning

not nice things

• feckin' idiots (you know who i am talking about)

A tangential 18-1 story.

In the courtyard at work there was a New York Giants Win Super Ball mylar balloon blowing around. It was nearly deflated, however, and with the wind it would rise up and down (reminding me of American Beauty). A guy came out of building 2 (I am in building 1) and started to walk rapidly towards it. As he neared the balloon a gust of wind took it up and over the roof of building 3. He watched for a while, with one hand in his khaki pocket, glanced around, and retreated back inside. We have stuff trapped by the courtyard blowing around all the time and I have never seen anyone chase it. (Maintenance guy sweeping up birds killed by the hawk doesn't count) I guess he wanted the balloon (Yay Giants !) or to destroy the balloon. (Screw you Giants)