After I hung up the phone I cried.

I told Rick that with raising kids
if you have the same number at the
end as at the beginning
of the day that you were a good
parent.

After hanging up it hit me that there
were parents who lost a child this day
and I felt heartless for what I said.

Appreciate the redundancy.

Dr: Baxter to Dr. Barouch : "Which eye?"
Dr. Barouch to Dr. Baxter: "Left."
Dr. Baxter to me: "Which eye?"
me to Dr. Baxter: "Left."
Dr. Baxter to me: "Point to the eye you mean."
I point.
Dr. Baxter to me: "I am going to draw a dot over that eye. Now take a deep breath."

Where the me meets the not me

It is not a hard boundary,
a solid line,
where I do not cross.
It is a gradual foam of
atomic and sub atomic
interactions where I am neither
completely stopped or started.

Birthday gifts.

The ability to stand and go take a walk in the late fall sunshine.
The ability to put my shoulder of the figurative wheel of work
and to imagine what that work might be.
The enjoyment of amazing cauliflower crust pizza,
greens recently harvested from the very Earth itself
and a slice of Lembas with my lunch.
Discussing if dogs are starter children and joking whether I will ever
get fucked in my fifties.
Most precious of all is time spent with people for whom I care deeply
and who also care deeply for me.

I have come to understand that everything I do is part of my nature
and can be approached with mindfulness.
Zen driving is leading me to Zen work.

I seek to find my true nature.

I am not as tuff as I thought.

I felt that I would be good with my camping equipment
down into the 20;s. Mid 30's proved me wrong.
Lesson learned. Get  carbon monoxide detector
and figure out how to use the furnace in the
Beast.

The campfire shuffle.

The moon was waxing to 3 quarters full,
oak trees shod of their
leaves would rattle in the breeze.
and fir trees cast moon shadows.
Below 40 degrees the fire pulses
up and down in time to adding wood
and it being consumed.
The shins are closest and being perpendicular
to the radiant vector are first to
complain when they get to hot
causing me to shuffle the camp chair back
a foot or two. As the fire dies down
a bit the shins tell me to shuffle

back in.

Thanks

To Chris, Nancy and Meagan
having us over for dinner.
That my kids have gotten to know
my dad.
For the invisible made visible.

I am a lucky man, now is the time to respect that luck.

He just has to touch the hem of the ghost's robe, BAM.

Scrooge gets to be transformed so completely and in such a compressed period of time.

Michelle and Rick's new dog

Sampson on the furniture the morning of Sunday 11/4/2012.

Practice for my demise.

I woke this morning and did not know
who the president of the United States was
and for a while it was ok.

Overheard at work

Lindsey: "Chris, you sound insincere"
Chris: "No, I am very sincere, I am being sarcastic."

A euphemism for a euphemism on NPR

"Voters are aging out of the voting demographic,
which is a euphemism for leaving
this veil of tears."

I am to my cellphone as a cur is to his rope.

SuperBetter

A visit with Samira and her warm hands followed by a bunch of gabbing with
Marcy, Rob, Gabby, Daniel, and Issy.
Wood chips, bunny manure and coffee grounds
delicious Than buritoes and a walk with Jenna, Tybe and Dubin.
Mushrooms and Geocache found
in the woods, dog noses and conversation.
Survey of the possible future sight of the West End Co-op.

Metaphor

Fifteen seconds to think through a calm and peaceful commute to work. Then drive with that intention.

Lap of luxury.

Wake up in a warm bed.
Good breakfast.
Hot shower.
Good book.
Work.

Every day

At lunch I walked outside doing a half hour loop through the ADP, Genzyme and A123 parking lots. I saw a women in the woods tying red strips on tree branches. There is a Ford Focus with a licence plate holder that says "Dr. Who. My other car is a Tardis". The sun went behind the clouds and a chill wind blew making me think of my coat that I had left in the car.

Two men.

One stopped by to ask if he could look in my camper (yes)
and the other told me it was 42 degrees this morning.

Honk, honk, passing 30 feet up.

First I heard the approaching honks steady at about one every two seconds. Then the four Canadian geese flew past by overhead at tree top height. I could hear the wings beating the air and the whistle of the air rushing by.

Whats up duck?

Whats up duck?

Three loons glided along the lake at sunrise. A duck came flying in from over the lake quacking as it approached the loons. The duck carved a V  in the water and landed with a small splash. The three loons swiveled about towards the duck and after a few seconds the duck let out a quick quack of "My mistake! " and quickly flapped itself out of the water and flew away. The loons resumed their course and started disappearing beneath the lake surface reappearing 20 to 30 feet away.

A gift while walking in the woods.

A woman and man are walking towards me. With them is a boy, about 4 or 5 years old. The boy spots me and walks right towards me. He asks if I want an acorn. I say yes, that I have been looking for one all day. He hands me one, pauses, and says "Here take them all." He roots around in his pants pockets and hands me 5 more. As he turns to catch up with the 2 adults he is with he says "Those are to feed the squirrels." I start to walk away with the 6 acorns and realize they are still warm from his pockets.

What it means to fix the horn on a VW camper.

The night started off with having to take a part of the garage door off to fit the camper(from on now known as the beast) partially inside. Then Rick worked his disassemble super power and had the steering wheel removed. We then played wack the mole until we eventually figured it was the proverbial loose screws. Everything back together and the next adventure presented itself. Airbag warning light is now on.

Many days the best part of my work day is a walk outside.

Dusk.

Prayer for My Mother

-Rick Kempan

"...Let the living past be vibrant in her

dreams each night, her mother, her brother

at her side, showering her with love."

Stuff that comes out of me.

Urinating
Defecating
Farting
Burping
Vomiting
Sweating
Nails and Hair growing
Spitting
Exhaling
Gametes
Bleeding
Sneezing
Coughing
Snots
Ear wax
Words
Snoring
Lacrimation

New Moon

The full moon is all flash and look at me.
The new moon intrigues me because it is hidden
and mysterious. I use Google skymap to see where it
is lurking in the daytime sky and imagine
what else is hidden in plain sight.

This had me tripping balls. It will become clearer towards the end.

http://soundcloud.com/the-story-collider/aaron-wolfe-saving-hubble

Out the window at work.

An old man

Aimee came up to me,
leaned on his aluminum cane
and reached up and patted my beard
asking
"How long have you had that thing?"

Durga had had enough. The injustice of this disease needed more than plaintive mourning and she struck out and signaled I am still here.

When is it time to trim my mustache?

When the morning smoothie drips
onto my clean work shirt.

When is it time to change into a new work shirt?

When it is clear I will not be
able to stay in my cube all day.

How many of the times?

A lot of times I find that I have to think I'm not gonna find something before I can actually find it.

"Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways." - Stephen Vincent Benét

Here is what I have

See, hear, feel, smell, taste
wonder, understand
and to laugh.

A view from a far off shore.

At one point we were all speaking
Portuguese (I was just repeating phonetically!)
laughing and talking, holding each other with our
eyes.

The tyranny of the remembering self.


Even thinking of the future
in terms of what will be remembered.

July 15th, 2012

Twenty eight times he
has spun around the sun.
That's the last of this that rhymes.
Happiness, adventure and sadness
 as he makes his
own way in this space time.
I get to experience Than tides
without which my inter-tidal zone
would not be the same.

Here is the danger

In the rat race, working because I like to work,

and taking a step back to look

at what it might be about

and being hit between the

eyes and not knowing where

to fall.

 July 6th, 2012 trash messages.

Weird 1 - trash hasn't been getting emptied at work this week.
Weird 2 - someone put out my trash and took the barrel and recycle bin back in at the apartment without me seeing who.

Every once and a while it still freaks me out that we see everything upside down and slightly in the past.

Lets see the Professor fix that with coconuts.

It is no wonder the Skipper crashed the boat on that 3 hour cruise.

Front Step Farm

Bend,lift,carry
sweat,listen,laugh
drink a lot of water
dirty hands, create.
Push a wheelbarrow down the road.
Live.

Rachelle came into this world
after me.
We got to know each other
in some small way.
We had laugh, cried and talked.
Rachelle has moved on
and I am glad to have known her.

My hemisphere leans

Tilted over at its most
today as I stand under
the dark side of the moon
with Pink Floyd in my head.

A Gift

That has me up the next day
before the alarm
with a grin on my face.
I can imagine Sisyphus
happy.

Maybe its blowing smoke up your ass and calling it sunshine.

The new Front Step Farms stands on the bones of the old, not to shabby a heritage.

Rainy day

I stop for a bit
on the way to my car
and let some rain fill my coffee a bit.
Even the light is liquid,
without direction. The dryer
exhaust making small clouds blowing
by the windows. A day
for some Eric Satie.

Almond milk

In my smoothie
no chewing
and just a little more
smug.

Wind gusts blowing rain

Thunder with lightning
never any closer than
five Mississippi.

Memorial Day Weekend, Ayer MA, upper Flanagan pond

Cognitive dissonance

Camo hot pants
Look then look away.

Does the term "maybe" mean the same thing as "maybe not"?

Free market

I had a dream where the SpaceX
Falcon 9 rocket was strapped to a space shuttle
to bring it up to orbit. At the last minute the shuttle would not stay attached to the Falcon9. There was an announcement that a SpaceX competitor had its rocket ready to go. In an hour or so they strapped the shuttle to the new rocket (called Velociraptor) and took off successfully
I then was running around Fenway park trying to find someone to talk to about this.

Hmmm...


"The universe works on a math equation
that never even ever really even ends in the end
Infinity spirals out creation
We're on the tip of its tongue, and it is saying
We ain't sure where you stand
You ain't machines and you ain't land
And the plants and the animals, they are linked
And the plants and the animals eat each other..." -Modest Mouse

Didn't see this coming

Walking around at dusk
through the woods, fields and small farm plots
talking about coyotes,
looking for hidden things
and the next day fasting.

Between ear erotica

My space porn went
a little S&M this morning
at 4:55 am when the SpaceX Falcon 9
launch aborted with one half second on the
liftoff clock, abnormal pressure in engine #5.
Then, Grrrrrr... a chick talking rocket science.

Laptop roulette

I wait until the last
possible minute to plug
in my laptop to external power
just to see the little scolding nag
that oblivion is immanent.

Birds, bat and a moth.

Sat outside drinking tea (Constant Comment)
in between dusk and dark (favorite time of day)
and heard the birds settle
in for the night as a bat
twisted overhead. When going back inside
a brown moth followed me in and spent a while bumping
into the white ceiling above any light that was on.
The moth paused on the edge of my bed where I was
reading.
The next day it was gone.

"Hey...your OK...you'll be fine...just breath." - ZeFrank

Cull the chaff

Bob Seger joins
Stevie Wonder
and Elvis Costelo
on the Pandora thumbs
down pile.

"He preferred the hard truth to his dearest illusions." - Carl Sagan on Johannes Kepler

More metaphors.

The zipper went from forehead
to groin
and I had a way to unzip and step out.
Today I felt wings and
decided to stay in this body.

 "I've convinced myself — I hope I'm right — that children despair of you if you don't tell them the truth." - Maurice Sendak

High off the hog.

me: "If I took that apartment in Providence
I would be living like a king."

he: "Why, because the rent is so cheap?"

me: "That and I would have access to all sorts of stuff for my smoothies!"

he: "Oh, right...the not chewing thing."

1981 Chevy Luv diesel pickup

It was trying to tell us something.
There was a different squeal
accenting the cavalcade of
normal operating noises.
It wanted to let us know something
and the best we could
do is send it on its way
for more context.

N 42° 30.472 W 071° 16.732

Found my first geocache today
and got a little thrill
knowing there is something
hidden by where people walk
and don't know.

Weird thought today

I can literally do almost anything
I want to do today and most
likely I am going to pretty
much repeat stuff I have
done before.
That's great for somethings
like raising kids, caring for
those in need, yet can blind me to the
joy of the new.

"Smile your little smile --- take some tea with me awhile.
Brush away that black cloud from your shoulder.
Twitch your whiskers. Feel that you're really real.
Another tea-time --- another day older." - Jethro Tull

Living arrow

A metaphor and reality
borne out of relativity.
My past set as a living
future.
30 revolutions and
this bow could not
be more proud.

From the profane to the religious

Alzheimer's is a miserable god damn fucking disease
and
my Dad is doing sacred work
right here,
at this time,
in this world.

Just before I am wrong, I am right. - 99% Invisible

Day starts

Up at 6:15 with cup of coffee,
some Morning Edition (not to much)
45 minutes of moving listening to
trance.
Something just right for breakfast.
The best days in my life are
those I do something.

Really

Invited to a meeting to be told I did not have to attend a meeting.

"I remember firelight, you remember smoke." -Molly Drake

A book

Reading at one time was

the thing unto itself,

What am I doing today

you might ask? Reading I would answer.

Then I became busy and I used to squeeze reading

in around the edges. Then for a while I hardly

read at all.

Today, a cool rainy spring Sunday,

the long dark teatime of the soul,

and all day to read.

A gift returned.

City Refocuses Its Vision on Urban Farms

Frank CariniPROVIDENCE — The words hit with the force of a hoe bashed upside his head. After all the work his soil-stained hands had done to transform a derelict city lot into a bountiful urban farm, Than Wood couldn’t believe what he was reading: “… a vacant lot, which we propose to purchase and convert into a community-based garden.”

What!? During the past two growing seasons, Wood’s Front Step Farm had produced more than 2,000 pounds of fruits and vegetables, and this upcoming season two dozen neighbors had already bought weekly community-supported agriculture shares in the Backyard Farms CSA.

However, a neighbor of Wood’s urban farm recently was awarded a $10,000 community development block grant (CDBG) from the city. In its grant application, the nonprofit organization referred to 1240 Westminster St. — aka Front Step Farm — as a “vacant lot.” Organization officials wrote that their project “will catalyze community development, stimulate social interaction, beautify the neighborhood and provide nutritious food.”

Than Wood, in April 2010, preparing Front Step Farm, 1240 Westminster St. in Providence, for its first growing season. (ecoRI News file photo)Re-Focus Inc. can sure write a grant, but its observation skills are suspect. Beans, cucumbers, tomatoes and salad greens have colored the 6,000-square-foot lot for two years, a greenhouse and a handmade “mud” oven made of cinderblocks and used to cook community pizzas adorn the urban oasis, and many a neighbor has stopped to chat with Wood about what he is growing. Visitors often leave with a handful of raspberries and some good growing advice.

The nonprofit at 1228 Westminster St. can also be less than neighborly.

Only days after planting the first seedlings for his third growing season, Wood was rudely told to pack up and leave — despite the fact he was a legal tenant with rights; he was paying $100 a month in rent. It was a hostile takeover of a plot of land long ignored until an ambitious East Providence native picked up the trash, lugged out rubble, ripped up pavement, pulled weeds, planted flowers, dumped 40 yards of topsoil, grew chemical-free produce, and continued enriching the land with manure, seaweed and neighbors' food scraps.

Little work needs to be done to “catalyze community development, stimulate social interaction, beautify the neighborhood and provide nutritious food” at the “vacant lot” at 1240 Westminster St.

The former City Farm apprentice was told he could stay until the end of the season, if he paid more rent for less access to the land he nurtured back to life. Wood’s other option was to leave immediately. The nonprofit so interested in “stimulating social interaction” bullied an engaged member of the city’s West Side community off the property without even a “thank you” for the work he had done helping revitalize the neighborhood. Instead, he was told it would soon be changing the lock on the gate.

For the next week, Wood attempted to contact Re-Focus officials to ask them for at least 30 days to get off the property — a right afforded to him under state law. He needed time to move out his tools, the greenhouse, the “mud” oven and the soil he worked so hard to create.

Re-Focus officials ignored Wood and his request for mediation through the Community Mediation Center of Rhode Island, until, that is, a besieged official in the city’s planning department was moved to intervene by Front Step Farm friends, neighbors and CSA members.

Garry Bliss, director of compliance for the city’s Department of Planning and Development, took note of the outpouring of support, and in a memo dated April 19 to the chairman of the Committee on Urban Redevelopment, Renewal & Planning deemed the Re-Focus grant application ineligible.

His decision was based on three key points:

1) In its application, Re-Focus characterized the lot it would be acquiring as  “vacant” and “empty.” However, according to city ordinance, the lot at 1240 Westminster St. doesn’t meet the definition: “A lot with no existing structure that is littered with trash and obviously abandoned.”

“The lot in question has, in fact, been the location of an active and well-maintained urban farm,” Bliss wrote in the memorandum.

2) In its application, Re-Focus stated it wished to acquire the lot and “convert (it) into a community-based garden.”

“This is a misrepresentation as, stated above, the lot is already a garden serving the community, including low- to moderate-income neighborhood residents who obtain fresh produce from the farm during the growing season,” Bliss wrote.

3) The money requested in the grant was to support the acquisition of the lot and the projected date for that activity, in the application, was September 2012 — well within the time period for grant-funded activities.

“However, Re-Focus acquired this property on April 4, 2012 (for $27,000). Grant funds for the July 1, 2012-June 30, 2013 Program Year cannot pay for activities conducted prior to the beginning of the Program Year,” Bliss wrote.

And for those of you concerned about Farmer Wood, he’s currently looking at land in the city and on the outskirts. He’ll be growing food again this season and selling it to neighbors and restaurants, at farmers’ markets and through the Little City Growers Cooperative.

Hi Rick!

A good day.

Its more than a thumb in Re-Focus's eye,
although that part is pretty sweet,
its getting knocked down
and getting back up.
Its pride and conviction
shared. Its making this place
a little better for others. This smells
like an intentional community,
that's right, hippy talk!

Stone Man

My rock collection is
now watched over
by a inuksuk made of
rocks from a  Shogun fortress
and Shinto temple and they from
the even older strife
of planet formation.
A cool roommate indeed.

Been on a conference call since noon

1:39pm
2:37pm
3:07pm
3:40pm
4:05pm
5:00PM
5:08pm done!

At Front Step Farm.

The dried horse manure,
gotten free from the Providence
Police horse barn at Roger Williams Park,
was still in dry clumps after the dry winter,
waiting to be released by April showers..
Yellow blooming dino kale that had overwintered.
Barrel of seaweed tea waiting
for the tug of the moon.
Stinging nettles daring me to lightly brush
at my peril. Scallions and carrots getting
ready to do the heavy lifting,
strawberry plants making a promise
of a sweet trip across the tongue.
Mint having its way in a side bed.
A salute with a quick piss goodbye behind Al's shed.

Listening

During the day I use my hearing
to navigate and inform.
Some of what I hear brings me
pleasure, some becomes a memory
and some is immediately forgotten.
What happens to what I hear
when I am a sleep? So just like I
have a set of awake sounds is
there a whole other set of
sleep sounds stored away?

Post card from Rick and Michelle in Japan

Weird juju at work today. Better slaughter a chicken.

Critter

One of the things that scamper around through
the walls of my apartment has created a hole
in the wall of my bedroom. I haven't seen the animal yet so I am
not sure what it is. I called and reported it to the landlady
and she said she would come and take a look but
she hasn't shown up yet. However that's
not my problem because to quote the great Mitch Hedburg
"I am a renter, I ain't fixing shit!"

Adding casein in a blender.

Speed nob set to about one third
so a whirlpool is formed
start to add the casein and
at the same time slowly increase the speed
otherwise the increased viscosity
will collapse the whirlpool
sending the casein to clump on the
sides at the top of the blender.

My mind is of my body, my body is meant to be in motion.

I want to stop being self deprecating.

This weekend I was invited into the lives of loved ones to share and to bear witness in struggles that I see as the definition of what it is to be human and truly alive.

50 fucking 5 and I just wrote someone in prison for the first time in my life, go figure.

This morning I listened to a RadioLab piece on Alan Turing. A story that showed both startling human brilliance and abysmal human cruelty.

http://www.radiolab.org/blogs/radiolab-blog/2012/mar/19/turing-problem/

I was counting my breaths...1...2...3 and I realized I could be just as well counting down if I knew where that number started. What surprised me was the sense of pleasure at that thought. Counting up from one mystery and counting down to another.

Gots a 2nd hand vacation buzz from dropping travelers off at the airport on their way to Japan.

I have to make sure that I have a 10 second delay on my mouth today as I am chock full of piss and vinegar.

The first day of spring and my god it is full of stars.

Cananda...crap

Bang brothers...crap.

What lions might think - If you make them run some before eating they taste a little salty.

For me change comes as I accept myself for who I am.

Lucky man sitting in the sun late winter.

Michelle with a pole saw and Rick a rake de-cluttering a little section of Flanagan pond.