Sunday morning.

Heating up crepes and turkey sausage in the beast. Sipping hot coffee and listening to the radio. Siting alone, am I lonely? A blend of the two. No going back, one step forward at a time and acceptance of what is.

Campsites 21, A, B,C and D - the Pines.

Site A - woman and a man driving a Honda CRV with 2 kayaks on top. A black dog, short haired, medium sized, tail curled up over her back. Her front 2 paws where white like she was wearing socks.

Site B,C and D - a group of seven friends, looked like mostly in their twenties. A Ford Focus, Jeep Cherokee and a Honda Civic Coupe. Lots of bikes. They had a dog, Charlie, who looked like darker brown Weimaraner on the small side (maybe still growing). When off their leashes the two dogs would chase each other like crazy. On Saturday night they all sang happy birthday. They mostly wore LED head lamps and at night it was so dark that all you could see was the lights bobbing around, like disembodied light creatures.

The profoundness of the ordinary

One day last week I stopped myself right in the midst of meditating. I could not do it any longer. Today I learned that if I accept my inability to meditate without judgement, then that is the essence of meditating.
Holy bodhi tree Batman.

Sunday morning.

Thursday and Sunday the campground is empty except for the sound of birds, wind in the trees and the slight snick of White Pine needles falling to the ground. Nice place for a hot cup of Ethiopian coffee and a book.

What does this mean?

It took 4 days to shake off a 3 day work week.

Can't quit my day job.

At check in the ranger asked if I had a particular site in mind. I said that there was this short dirt spur road, sites numbered twenty something,  that looked nice. He looked on the computer and after a bit called the other ranger over and said to him "Can we give him 21? ". The second ranger gave me a quick look and said yes. First ranger said to me that this a special site, not even on the maps, reserved for the camp host however they had already left for the season. "In the future you can't request this site ." I said great and did this make me a State employee?  He looked over the top of his glasses and said "No " and after a pause "That's not something you would brag about anyway."

Me and Ricky. October 5,2013

Email from 5 years ago

From: Richard Wood
Subject: The big day cometh
To: mariefinigan@yahoo.com
Date: Tuesday, October 7, 2008, 12:34 PM

Hi Claire, The wedding rapidly approaching and I am looking forward to seeing you. I was reviewing the logistical plans that Michelle has drawn up and I wanted to make sure that you knew that Ricky wants to have his picture taken with you and my brother Chris before the wedding at the church at 4:45 (1/2 hour before thew actual wedding starts). If that doesn't work let me know and we can make other plans. Ricky had his bachelor party last Saturday. It was at a cigar bar. I still can get a wiff of cigars when I get in my car. It was great to see him very excited about the wedding with Than and many of his friends. There is a bitter sweet element for me to all this. I wish my Mom were here to see this, as I bet you wish Bert were here as well. I also wish I was experiencing this holding my wife's hand. That's the bitter part. The sweet part is I know I was raised by a woman who loved me, married to a woman I loved deeply and am very lucky to have 2 great boys and a family of love to surround me. I am so looking to give you a big hug Saturday, Love Rick

Venti half decaf, half dark roast.

Earlier in the day I sat on the grass outside a Starbucks with six other people.
We had all entered the store,
chose what we wanted,
paid in a variety of ways.

Later, on the second floor,
however its not that way.
These women and men, seated around tables waiting to be fed,
caretakers moving from table to table bringing food to their mouths.

Rainy morning camping

While I was at the water faucet filling my coffee pot
a six year old rode her bike over to check out what I
was doing. I said "Hey, know what happens when you ride your bike in the rain?"
to which she shook her head no. "You get wet." She laughed and said
she didn't mind because she had plenty of dry clothes to put on.
She then told me her dad had said he wished he had a pop up camper like mine
when it rains and I replied it was pretty nice. She then told me one of the secrets of
 happiness. "You know what I like about camping in the rain?, I get to eat blueberry pancakes in the tent."

Amen sister.

Preen my feathers at dusk.

I took a bath with five ducks. As I cleaned the sand from between my toes in preparation for putting my socks on three of the ducks turned there heads backwards, shrugged their shoulders up and stood perfectly still on one leg. They held that pose for as long as I could see them as I walked back through the rapidly darkening woods towards  camp.

Walk around Big Cliff Pond

I had been walking counter clockwise around the pond when I came upon 3 kids. There was 13 and 7 year old girls and a 10 year old boy. The 10 year old said they had been abandoned by thier parents and pointing to 3 kayaks said the wind was blowing to hard to paddle away. The 7 year old was playing at the edge of the water and the 13 year old was stretched out in the equinox sun. The 10 year old then asked me what I knew about solar clocks. He pointed to a circle drawn in the sand with 4 sticks at the cardinal points with a shadow of one pointing to a stone which he said meant it was 12 noon. I asked if he wanted to verify the time with my phone to which the 13 year old, eyes still closed, said "Please God yes! " The phone said it was 11:01 am. After a moment he adjusted the 12 o'clock stick in anticipation of the shadow crossing the stone in an hour. As I started to walk away I said not to worry that they had plenty water to drink from the pond and anyway they might be better off without their parents. That made the 7 year old laugh.

Big and Little Cliff pond at Nickerson State Park.

September 9th, the expirement

I thought that the experiment took place within
the walls of an impervious reaction vessel.
Results showed the vessel was part of the experiment
which makes the Brownian tracks of the ever
continuing results speak with a different voice.
34 times doesn't mark failure,
it marks results that continue to amaze.

Down to my toes.

Approximately 13 pounds of star stuff
meets and holds my gaze. I am held in
the palm of the universe,
eons of evolution ringing
like a bell.

A gift

The exquisite simple act
of comforting a one month
old. Hold him, walk with him and
pat his back. He farts, the crying tapers off
and then he
settles back in against my chest.

X marks the spot.

Sitting cross legged on the floor
and in front of me is a cross of shadows
from the legs of the coffee table.
The overcast sky was causing the light to enter
both my North and South facing windows
pretty much the same.
That light had just leaped off a star
9 minutes earlier.

A mighty fine nap.

I was held in place as if at 100 Gees
but not pulled through to true sleep
time became meaningless and yet
it was blissful. The slow ascent after was equally
sweet. Like floating up through a long
dark tunnel until my eyes were able to open
and it was dusk outside.

Slow news day

Thinking of a thing is not the thing.

Danny boy

Heard this morning

Sometimes a change causes you to change.

At the alter

As a family we were sanctified

with the arrival of a new generation.
The vigil bringing us together
to bear witness.
Star stuff joining star stuff
to welcome to this world baby Wood.

Nathaniel's Facebook Entry upon the death of Tybee

Yesterday Jenna, Dubin and Myself lost the heart of our little pack to a terrible and sudden disease. Our little Tybee who we loved so much. Only 2 years old, but she lived every goddamn moment with joy and excitement and a sense of purpose that I've never seen in another creature. I don't know how I am going to deal without having her around, howling with me, leading me down paths but always checking that I was still with her. If you knew her, please just think about her today. Even at her worst she would try to play and greet us. Maybe we can all take a lesson from that.

Things fall apart, everything tends to decay
And so it takes a lot to combine atoms in such a way
That they resist the lure of that darkness
that lurks around the edges of every day
So I’m inviting you to join me in this fight
to go down to the river, and come up all three times
Hank Williams was right: no one gets out alive
All we can do is try to have a really good time
Resist the tide, stand in the water
That’s baptism, that’s making light
Electricity is proof that there can be
A little bit of light in all this darkness
So please don’t go so gently into that good night
Rage, rage, rage against the dying of the light
You know you got a voice, to talk with you can call your own!
So clear your throat, and start singing this song:
Resist the tide, stand in the water
That’s baptism, that’s making light
Electricity is proof that there can be light
It takes a lot of work, but oh baby, it’s worth it
-Cynthia Hopkins

Cell phones, who knew.

A morning call from Death Valley
to make me smile.

Fathers day 2013

Gifts beyond measure.
A hospital visit to join in receiving good pregnancy news.
Tears on the phone as a faithful dog's fate is wrestled with.
Don't get that in a Hallmark card.

I am a cairn

Yesterday I made a pilgrimage

without realizing it.

Standing next to Michelle as

Marcy and Jenna reached to

touch her stomach and the look

on their faces was a baptism. I stood

at the gate between this life

and beyond.

Baby shower.

Where does unease for a family event come from.
All around people rush to these with smiles
that are denied me until I am there.

5:30 am

This day is cool, green and wet.
This bed is delicious.
This morning begins.

Less eye chewing

"Podcast, a green smoothie of reading." -Than

Cull the herd

When Dubin snarls, snaps and growls
he is showing us his wolf light.

I know it when I see it.

In a cube with a standing desk

reading the office chair instruction card

is like porn.

Number one at thirty one

A son,
a man
a friend
a father to be
a love.

Crow

Don't get me wrong,
I like a song bird outside my window
in the morning however
it is the crow that speaks to me
with something to say.

Sampson looking between the banisters of the back porch.

Alveoli

Breathing
where
conscious and unconscious
meet.

Holy shit

On the night of April 14th, 2013
I held a device in my hand
that directed my eyes up into the
night sky to watch a space station
pass overhead.

A journey

'97 VW camper took me
back 30 years, welcomed into
a home filled with love, humor
and good soup.

Visitor at work.

A moment.

Her hand rubbed the folds of my jeans between thumb and forefinger,
brushed lightly two or three times over the picture
of onion scapes on my shirt
ran her fingers through my beard
and after a pause looked me in the eye
and smiled.

Number

The number 8 is no more to
the number 8 as a stick
figure is to a woman or a man.

Nerd-gasm

"Carbon is the slut of the periodic table." - Neil DeGrasse Tyson quoting Jon Stewart

King Holly slowly bends the knee to King Oak with a mutter under the breath "Just wait".

A line of conversation said to me
"How would you think it would
be living with your father?"
Opens a small door of reverse understanding
that my father has feeling towards
me as I have for my sons.

I enjoy driving in the snow
yet
I drive slower than many people.

This just in.

Prostate fine.
Doctor ruefully contemplates
career choice.

Allium sativum

Removed from a small bown paper bag,
last years garlic in march,
bulb dry and papery, two poles
slender elegant, flat and hairy.
Crushed with the flat of a knife
sticky, slippery , sharp, smooth white.

It's a little messy.

Tyranny is the single feeling,
richer to hold both contentment
and suffering side by each.
Happiness and struggle in the same breath.
Despair and renewal dreaming each other.

Language

"Drooplets of raspberries"
and
"Parental love rather than condensation."

On vibrate

Supposed silent cell phone
moans.

How

My unconscious roils in simultaneous
dream and nightmare.
Conscious self, unbidden,  stacks, alphabetizes, squares,
measures, sums up and calculates an answer
by the end of the day the remainder is
increasingly outside the lines.
The truss in a heap by the bed
to be put back on the next day
by my own hands.

A journey none the less

With the bike in lock down
it does not move relative
to the living room.
However the bike does move me forward
from
pre-dawn dark to light of
day.

Two cubes over

Don brings his recently heated lunch
of leftovers to his desk and the smell
urges me to go heat up my
lunch and eat.
Rice,chicken,black beans,chick peas,peas,corn and
one pork pot sticker.
(Ten minutes later)
Nice surprise, two pot stickers!

Skunked

Once in cribbage and then again for real in the middle of the night.
The first was done laughing around a friends dining room table,
the second having been forced from my warm bed
standing in my front yard at 1:30 in the morning
wondering what the hell I am going to do.

January weather

Fifties yesterday,
forties today,
snow tomorrow.

January 5th, 2011

Thanks Than.